I'm feeling less angry than before. I changed my post. I had said some pretty mean evil things about my ex, but I feel like no matter what his secrets are his secrets. So I am not going to let them out...for anyone. I'm sorry. But I just need to get out of this world sometimes. I wish I didn't exist. I wish I could disappear into the scenery and fade into the background of people's thoughts. I really feel like I wish that I didn't have to get into all of this emotional turmoil, that I could just sit back and relax and watch life, and not be an active participant--save myself from being hurt and confused and decieved. I feel decieved most of the time, by myself, and by others. I feel like I want to just relax and be free and be able to enjoy things. But I can't enjoy anything without taking it too seriously always. I think that I am too serious sometimes. I sometimes feel like I want to just erase people from my life. I guess that's how I feel right now.
I loved him. It was too soon to love though. I feel like I let myself feel things too deeply for people. It hurts me a lot. It makes me die a little inside each time I get disillusioned. I am dying a little inside now. Dying. Dying. Dying. I really feel like that most of the time--like I'm dying. My insides twist and turn and I want to collapse into myself.
Untitled
Cold hands
creep up my skin
a chill crawls up my neck
the zombie reaches with a tug
and flakes the skin in flecks
it makes a move for that thing
encased within my skin
my waiting brain begins to close
and hide the thoughts within