Hello Dear Journal...
I am back again. I was talking with my friend about some recent developments. My ex, He comes and says to me that he doesn't know how to relate to women. Then he says that he enjoys being with men because he doesn't have to protect their feelings. Then now he says to me that he doesn't want to have to worry about anyone's feelings. He says he wants to do the male bonding thing. He just wants to hang out with his male friends. He doesn't want to be in a relationship. And I thought at first he was a commitment phobe. But at that time it wasn't even in a true commitment. It was just us being friends with benefits. But then he didn't even want the benefits. But when we had sex he seemed into it. But I guess not. He doesn't know how to relate to me as a human being. So there it is.
I'll Miss Your Gray Eyes, But I won't Cry.
Bodies don't think by themselves
the rushing of blood I felt
didn't mean a thing
it only meant that my body
missed your body
that I wanted to feel you
skin to skin
It didn't mean that I wanted you to sink neck deep in quick sand.
It didn't mean that I wanted to dictate your life
and tell you how to tie your shoes
or tell you how to spend your time
or who to spend it with
or that I wanted to tie you up
and lock you up
inside a little box next to the bed.
It meant that I--
I what?
That I loved you once
I let my hands linger too long on your face once
or in your hair--twice
and my lips linger too long on your skin
three times too many
and my mind linger on your wants
and concerns
probably.
Probably that's what it means.
It means a changing of the guard.
My heart is no longer yours.
You didn't want it anyway.
And what good is it?
When you have none of your own.