Wow, and here I thought I would be more likely to die of a massive caffeine overdose. (Or at the very least a new coffee-induced cancer.) But it's official- verified by the irrefutable wisdom of www.thedeathpsychich.com (courtesy of my friend Adam, who's [popped back into my life lately- but more on that later). For no good reason other than the site is slightly addictive at odd hours of the night/morning, here are the potential ways I shall die, depending on what version of my name I'm using:
You are bitten while tormenting a sickly-looking squirrel. You die from rabies days later.
In a case of mistaken identity, you are shot to death by the mob.
During a severe storm, a tree falls onto your house, crushing and killing you.
While drunk with friends, you fall down a flight of stairs and break your neck. Thinking you've simply passed out, your friends ignore your lifeless body for hours.
While driving, you look down to dial your cell phone. Failing to watch the road ahead of you, your speeding vehicle crashes into an overturned fuel tanker, causing a massive explosion which turns you into human kibble.
While at a concert, a bomb threat is called in, and you're trampled to death as people stampede from the stadium.
While in a public restroom, you slip on a wet floor and crack your skull open on the edge of a toilet. Your lifeless body isn't noticed for several days.
A disgruntled employee in a sporting goods store beats you to death with a hockey stick.
A crazed man in a hardware store fatally attacks you with a pitchfork.
While having fun with fireworks, an M-80 blows up in your hand. You die from massive blood loss.
Too bad I didn't bother to keep track of which death went with which name... Oh well. Maybe I'll just stick with the caffeine induced theory- it sounds less painful than death by squirrel or pitchfork.