I suppose I could just as easily titled this entry "Adam's back", but C&C just seemed to fit better, especially given that this entry is likely to be a bit loopy too. The condensed version is that Grandmaster Mimms, the Sijo (founder) of my Gung Fu association was in town the weekend before last. Even though we didn't have time (nor in my case, medical clearance) to work out with him, we managed to get together for karaoke, at which point I found out that Adam was coming back to gung fu- cool on many levels.
Adam and I started gung fu together. Tom had already learned some of the basics, but we were all pretty much on the same level. Twice a week, the 3 of us exercised together at LQ. Sundays were class- sometimes we were the only ones in the class, other times there was a whole large group of us, but we were always together in it. We pushed each other, helped each other, kept each other going- our triumvirate was gung fu to me. And then Adam left. That was 3 years ago.
Since then, I've had 2 kids, written a (very bad) novel, and mostly stuck with gung fu, but it hasn't been the same. I still enjoyed it, but it felt like something was missing, especially after David left the class and it was just Tom and me, plus our instructors. Adam lost the girl he left gung fu for, although they had 2 years together before she broke his heart. He explains it best in his blog, "Three years ago I left something I loved, for someone I loved, and to grow mentally, explore my spirituality, and to expand my mind. Well, I lost that person I loved, I destroyed myself mentally, I confined my mind, and I've strengthened my spirituality." [more quoted in the extended entry] I can't say I was sorry when they broke up, because it felt a lot like he left me for her, but I am sad that it hurt him so deeply. Ironically, my husband is the one whose reaction to Adam leaving I know the least about. Tom never really seemed to mind the change that much, but it was also right around the birth of our son.
Fast forward to last thursday, when Adam came over for his first workout with Tom. (Back to the old routine- twice a week, plus classes. I'll be joining them after I get medical clearance from my OB.) We were all talking during and afterward, catching up on each other, especially Adam catching me up on his life, since Tom had still been seeing him regularly at LQ. Most of our conversation was about the cycles our lives take, pulling us away from certain things and people, only to push us back together later. I noticed a long time ago that I seem to come into people's lives when I'm needed, and we often drift apart once I'm not. The same seems true for the people I meet. I could go off onto a very long tangent about friends and friendship in general, but I'll spare us all, at least for now :-)
There's more I want to say about what I learned from Adam, but that will have to be a second entry- otherwise, this will get too convoluted to make any sense. At this point, I'm wondering what new cycle I'm beginning. I have a new daughter, I'm about to begin a new novel- one that will hopefully prove more cooperative than my first. I'm also about to start up gung fu again, after several months away, and I've had an old friend come back into my life. Will it be a new cycle, a re-emergence of an old cycle, or something in between? And what will it be replacing?
Three years ago I left something I loved, for someone I loved, and to grow mentally, explore my spirituality, and to expand my mind. Well, I lost that person I loved, I destroyed myself mentally, I confined my mind, and I've strengthened my spirituality. Only one thing did i succeed in on the surface over these past three years. My spirituality. But as I examine the others I realize, I learned how emotions control, consume, and can at times destroy. Ive learned how to focus my mind fully on a topic, subject, or goal. AND I know now that destiny and fate have a different plan for my love life that involves me in a relationship Isolation for a time being. So i guess it was better to loose one, so that I didnt push her away in these months to come. Because I would have.
I try to teach my students that things arent always as they appear on the surface. In order to strengthen my spirituality I had to face horrible obsticles. IN order to expand my mind I had to confine it, in order to grow mentally I had to destroy myself mentally. I walked away from three of my living mentors, an art of disciplin that brought me 3 years ago everythign I had that truelly mattered, and most importantly of all. I see the importance of all of it now."
May the unspoken be with you, may faith guide you, and my hope light your fire.
Adam
Posted by Jenn at October 19, 2005 05:18 AM