No, I'm not reverting to my ancestral cavewoman state, I just can't think of a title that better sums up my thoughts. I posted the last couple entries to clear my head somewhat before tackling this one, and after weeding out the heavenly nectar in my cup and the golden bliss of childhood, all that's left is "ugh". It's not that I'm depressed or upset- well, I am bummed out right now, but- oh hell, let me just write the damn entry. Read and be enlightened.
Mom just found out today that she has Type II diabetes, among a host of other problems likely caused by it (high blood pressure, etc.). It wasn't honestly a big surprise for me- they've been asking her the past several times she went to the dr.- but I am sad about it, and worried on so many levels.
First and foremost, I'm worried about Mom. I don't know how well she's going to manage it. She needs to lose weight- she knows and wants to. The problem is that her asthma is so out of control that she feels she can barely get around the house. I know when I'm around her or talking to her on the phone, she does get winded way to easily. Excercise is not really an option until the asthma gets under control- she would literally probably wind up in the ER if she tried to walk around the block. That leaves diet, and hers leaves a lot to be desired. She feels like she "can't afford to eat healthy", but then she buys nutritionally vacant crap that's just as expensive. I'm not sure how to get through to her about it. Either way, she's convinced that diet alone won't help her lose any weight. I know a lot of her attitude is the depression- it's at its worst this time of year, and with her current job and financial situation, she's miserable. The base isn't seeing anyone but active duty and spouses in the mental health clinic now, so until she finds a job, she doesn't even feel like she can afford to go for treatment. It's all one extremely vicious spiral- the asthma makes it harder to treat the diabetes, the physical symptoms from both aggravate the depression, the depression makes her not care much about treating the physical even as they drive her nuts, and the financial is just lurking on her mind like a giant squid at the dinner table.
The good news in the whole mess is that she is trying. They've started her on a new treatment program for the asthma, adding in a steriod that she should feel effects from in a couple weeks. She's signed up for a class at the beginning of January on how to manage the diabetes. And she actually went to the last Dr.'s appointment, which is an improvement (she has a tendency to blow them off at the last minute). She was online yesterday researching diabetes, so although shell shocked by the changes she's going to have to make, she is being proactive about it. If we could figure out a solution to the finances, she'd be in relatively good shape. (If anyone reading this knows of any decent paying jobs in the greater Dayton area with minimal physical requirements, feel free to post a comment- so far nothing's panning out from our searches.) I think for now I'm going to focus on getting her to eat better- it'll help her health all around, and despite her doubts, she will lose some weight. Hopefully that will be enough of a catalys, helping the asthma ease up and the diabetes come under control, and improving her self esteem enough that she can try excercising. I'd love to get her on the Mannatech glyconutrients, because they've been shown to help with everything that's afflicting her (our family Dr. has seen enourmous sucesses in his patients with glyco's, and is going to hand out Tom's business cards to any interested patients- we just found out for sure at Emmy's check up wednesday), but they're fairly expensive, especially since she's not working, plus she'd probably "forget" to take them. If I could, I'd buy the damn stuff for her and guilt her into remembering, but I can't so there's no use dwelling on it. One step at a time.
I think part of the frustration now for me is the enormity of the consequences. For Mom, if she doesn't control this stuff she won't be around long, or else she'll be blind and missing limbs, which for her would probably be pretty damn close to dying anyway. For me, I know I've got a much higher risk of developing diabetes- not that it wasn't already there in my genetics, but now it's known. I don't remember a strong history of diabetes in Mom's family, which is good I suppose, but it really points out that she might (read probably) wouldn't have developed the disease if she'd lost and kept off the weight sooner. Wake up call for me. I've known I need to lose the rest on my weight, so no more procrastinating. I can safely lose a couple pounds a week nursing, and then in a few months once Em's on solids I can kick it up a bit. But I need to start now. Most of the fat kids I see have at least one fat parent, so losing weight will be good for me and my kids. And there's the other worry- what Mom's diabetes means for them. Not just the potential loss of their grandma sooner than they might have otherwise, but their increased risk of developing the disease. I've read a scary number of articles on the increase of type 2 "Adult Onset" diabetes in kids- kids only 10 years or so older than mine. Will's a slender little guy now, and so energetic people get tired just watching him, but I didn't gain weight until I was in third or fourth grade. I know I need to keep building a good foundation for them now, so that when they hit the more dangerous years, my kids will come through OK.
So that's "ugh". I'd say it sums it up well. The only addendum would be "one step at a time".
Posted by Jenn at December 2, 2005 08:35 AM