Is anything really random? Does anything really happen by chance? I was thinking today about something Nick said a while ago, and it got me thinking about how different my life would be if not for a few "random chances". So is there really any such thing as random chance? I believe in free will and I believe in fate, so I'm left trying to sort out the contradictions. Maybe it would be easier if it wasn't 2am. But I'm not tired, or at least, I'm too caffeinated to feel it, so here I sit, thinking and typing and chatting with Nick...
Ok, so I was gonna go into this in my last post, but it kinda evolved away down another thought. Too thoughtful to be tied to this for my tastes anyways. There are things I don't get. I'm happily married. Sure the hubby and kid drive me nuts from time to time, but that's normal. I've never yet spoken to anyone in a relationship that the other person didn't get on their nerves sometimes. And I am honestly happy with almost every aspect of my life. But for some reason there are a couple guys I can't get out of my head. They're both pretty well out of my life (one completely, the other almost completely) and I never had anything romantic with them, so I'm not sure why I keep thinking about them. Not like every day or anything, but fairly regularly, especially the one. Maybe it's because we never really had a relationship, there was just that unspoken, unacted tension. It doesn't really bother me, and the ghosts don't really affect my life, but I'd like to know what causes them. And honestly, yes, how to get rid of them. Not sure I would really, but I'd like to know how. And why is it that thinking of one always seems to bring up another?
I've been wondering lately, whether it's human nature to not want to move on with our lives. I think so. Most people would agree that when something changes for the worse, we want to change it back, whether it's a bad decision, someone dying, whatever. But what about when it's something good? When something changes for the better, is it human nature to still not want to move on? And how do we know when we really have? For example, when you're in a happy relationship with someone, but another person still haunts your thoughts from time to time. Are those just random memories, or are they our nature trying to keep us from moving too far forward, as though saying "watch out, don't go too far down this one path" Or is it just our subconscious reminding us that things are always changing- it's the only true constant. (Hell, even the due date for my city taxes changes.) And whether the change is for better or worse, it will be there, both better and worse.
Ok, after much work (mostly Nick's), I'm now able to get back into my ejournal. (YAY!) And what better thing to write about than that most heavenly libation, coffee? Nick's gonna scream at me when he finds out he went through all that trouble so I could write about coffee, but then again, he knows me.
The thing is, I love coffee and I haven't been able to have much of it lately- for about 3 months up until a week and a half ago, to be specific. So, since I'm on an enforced 3 months of non-pregnancy, I'm back to my nightly ritual of a pot of coffee before bed. I was sitting here tonight (this morning? It was right around midnight, so who cares?) enjoying my second cup, and it really hit me what a sensual sensory experience coffee is. A truely well prepared cup of coffee is like sex for the taste buds; pure water, premium coffee beans and a thick, rich cream combining into a cup full of bliss. Everything about it is designed for pleasure. Start as the mug gets close to your lips: just inhale. That rich scent, like nothing else, edible or not. Bring the mug closer and sip. The creamy, silken texture, the full body, the bold smoothness of it. And as you swallow, the warmth that flows down your throat and into your stomach, at the same time relaxing and energizing you. There is very little that can compare to a perfect cup of coffee.