Random Musings of a Caffeinated Insomniac

Murphy, go f*ck yourself

Just when you think you've had enough bad luck that you should be able to win the lottery with the free ticket a stranger gives you, good ole Murphy's Law decides to stay for a visit. To recount:
2 nights ago, the furnace dies. The repairman manages to get it restarted over the phone, saving me the $120 + labor and parts not under warranty after hours emergency rate, but still in need of the regular $60 yatta yatta yatta rate.

yesterday morning, after nowhere near enough sleep, I was on my way home from driving Tom to work at a little before 9, I heard some strange rattling crunching sound under my car, and it died. I managed to pull off Far Hills into the entrance of one of the medical buildings (blocking the entire thing), and carried my 2 year old son up to the building. (since it was supposed to be like a 30 min round trip and we had woken him up to get him in the car, he had no shoes or diaper bag) After convincing the pathology lab to let me in to use the phone (my cell was laying dead at home), it took 3 frazzled calls to get Tom on the phone to get his AAA number. The plus side? Will was well behaved and had every woman in the office fawning all over him, and AAA pulled a truck off another call to come get us.
once I got my car to the repair shop, they told me they'd be able to get to the car tomorrow (that's today for those keeping track). so far so good. The mother in law took off work to come get us and take us home. about the time we were 4 minutes from my house, I realized that I had no key. Being as it didn't occur to either of us to return to the repair shop and get the key, we drove back to Tom at work. He wasn't there and didn't have his cell phone (hence why I couldn't get ahold of him at first), so I wound up getting to spend the entire day over at the condo. Thrilling. And even better, on the way over, she confides in me that she's leaving her husband come New Years. The same guy I get to go spend the day with...
After finally getting home, I get to help shovel out the driveway and Tom's car from under the 16" of snow and ice. It took nearly an hour to get feeling back into my toes.
So today, I hear back on my car. It blew the transmission. A new one would cost more that the car is worth. A good used one costs just over $1250 installed after tax and will hopefully be done Friday.
Well, having vented somewhat, I need to go get ready for work. Since I had to take yesterday off, what should only take 1 day to do will now take 2. I'm going to scream. Then, I'm going to go buy a lottery ticket. Murphy, go f*ck yourself.

More Holiday Induced Insanity

LOL, Oh lord and lady, I am going to hell. There's got to be some kind of karmic law I just broke. If I can stop laughing long enough to type, I just got through informing a very obnoxious telemarketer that she could go to hell and burn (in all fairness, I'm sure I meant to tell her "happy holidays"). She was calling from Dish Network, and being as I had asked them over a week ago to quit calling, I felt justified in asking why I was still getting 4 calls a day (usually starting at 9am) when I had been told it would stop in 72 hours (they're more than 100 hours overdue, for the slightly anal retentive). Well, at least I started out politely. She went into her little song and dance of how she would be happy to remove my name and explained the time frame again, and tried to tell me it was just another company that I had talked to before, and then she went back into her sales pitch. Wrong tactic.
Now, being as it was the third call today, I had actually answered, even though I was wrist deep in cookie dough and trying to help my son get my cell phone out of his pants leg. I figured maybe it was someone else calling with a similar number, like a credit card. As scatterbrained as I've been lately, it wasn't inconcievable that I had forgotten a payment or something. So here was this woman who had interrupted me when I've got more to do than time to do it in, and she's now arguing with me. And she wouldn't stop. About the 6th time that she told me the same thing trying to convince me I was wrong, I decided I had wasted enough time on the bimbo. "Happy Holidays!" click.
Yep, I'm going to hell.

Holiday Induced Insanity

OK, this time of year should seriously be a legal defense in and of itself. Especially for those of us poor souls who are forced to try and work in a grocery store 4 days before xmas when the weather is predicting 8"-10" of snow that night. As I was shoved around (literally and often) through the seething masses (most of whom were very rude old people who should have been euthanized, or at least youthercised, long long ago), a song composed itself for me. Set to the tune of "I Want A Hippopotamus For Xmas"

Oh, I want some peace and quiet for xmas
Only some peace and quiet will do
Don't wanna deal with the teeming masses
Far as I'm concerned they can all kiss each other's asses

Oh I want some peace and quiet for xmas
Only some peace and quiet will do
No I don't want new clothes, or some stupid trinkets
And no I don't work here, so don't even think it

I stopped myself there since I was starting to hum in the store. What can I say? Krogers at xmas is bad for your health...

so true

ok, I found these in an article online and just had to save them. too true.

Moms say the darndest things: (darndest?!)
My nipples are killing me.

Trust me, cats don't like to wear lipstick.

I'm only interested if it's rated G.

What's your secret for making Rice Krispies Treats?

Are we having a wee-wee problem?

Look with your eyes, not with your hands.

Let me cut up that grape for you.

If Action Guy does that again, he's going to Toy Jail.

Have you been to the new McDonald's yet? It's great!

Hugs are better than hits, and kisses are better than kicks.

Let's chase cavity bugs!

I'm pretty certain superheroes sit nicely in their car seats.

Can't you please just watch TV like the other kids?

I don't care who started it -- I'm ending it!

Oh, look -- Barbie flip-flops are on sale!

Put on your jacket. I'm freezing.

Don't play with Daddy while he's sleeping.

Please keep your spit in your mouth.

Do you want some cheese with that whine?

Isn't he cute in my high heels?

Yes, that sure is a cute spider.

No, artichokes aren't alive even though they have hearts... well, they are kind of alive, because all plants are alive, but not really that kind of alive, and it's not really a heart -- they just call it that because...oh, never mind. Who wants pudding?

Mommy loves her little pumpkin-berry snuggle-bug!

Get off the walls!

Did it Did it Did it!

Yay! I finished my novel for NaNoWriMo! clap clap clap