Random Musings of a Caffeinated Insomniac

Shock! I am a goddess! Among other things...

This is what you get when you leave me bored with a computer.

You are the Goddess of the Moon.
You're a very intelligent, mysterious, serious
person. You know a lot about life and it's
secrets. Your friends come to you for advice,
since you always know what to do in any
situation. Sometimes people might think you
need to be a little bit more loose, carefree,
but you like being serious, and your always
eager to soak up any knowledge about life.


What kind of goddess are you?
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You are the Sea.
Like the Ocean, you are very mysterious and
secretive. People sometimes don't understand
why you might do something a certain way, or
why you won't tell them something about your
past. You like to keep people guessing.
You're also very risky, and are always up for a
challenge. Most people would say you're not
someone to cross with.


Storm Quiz
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Roar.

You are the Green Dragon.
You are one of those kind people who enjoy life,
and live it to the fullest. People love to hang
around you, because you're enthusiactic, Smart,
honest, and understanding. Your friends can
trust you with just about anything, because
they know you'll never tell a soul their
secrets. You love to get out in the world and
do lots of different things before your time
ends.


If you were a Dragon, what color would you be? (With pics!)
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So Sad

I normally agree with the left wing politically, even the far left, but this time I have no clue what these people are screaming about. I read the article about the man shot by the air marshal when he ran off the plane yelling he had a bomb. Now there's plenty of confusion as to whether the guy actually said "bomb"- some passengers say he did, some say he didn't, and then there's the question of where he was when he said it (ie, before or after he ran off the plane). I can understand the concerns people have that an innocent man was killed, and I am sorry for that. I feel for his family, because I know what it's like to lose a loved one during the holidays- hell, it's been 7 years since Dad died, and every Thanksgiving still hurts.
What I cannot understand are the idiots trying to drag race into it. I could just shrug it off- some of these losers didn't even get the guys nationality right, but that's still the kind of stupid shit that starts serious problems. (Just look at the OJ trial if you don't believe me, or the recent rioting in France.) I could understand it more if it were the right wing psychos who were saying it- I'm used to them causing trouble and doing what's generally wrong for everyone but themselves. But it's not.

Wake Up Call!!!!!!!!
1) There are times when race is not an issue- this should be all times, but I digress. In this case, it just looks like people trying to find a soapbox.

2) To the people complaining the air marshals should have known the guy was mentally ill: no, they should not have. For one thing, what's to prevent a terrorist from setting up the same scene? A man running around on and off the plane yelling what sounds like he has a bomb, his wife causing confusion on the plane trying to distract the marshals. And then the man blows up the plane and part of the airport.
Personally, I'd rather see 1 dead man than 103+. I don't blame the air marshals- I think they acted exactly as they should have. If anything, I blame the wife for not keeping her husband on his meds or realizing that he needed help before getting on the plane. Anyone with experience in mental illness meds knows that they are strong shit. If you suddenly go off them, you will have problems.

Well, I'll climb down off my soapbox now. I didn't even mean to get on the thing- must be my shattered world view. I mean, come on! If I can agree with the right wing on anything, what next? Probably the Apocalypse, because right now that seems a lot more likely than world tolerance.

Fun Little Update

Wow, who would have guessed? Yesterday, I found an xmas song I actually like amongst the drivel currently spewing out of the radio. The culprit? A new country song (sad, I know) "All I want for Christmas is a Real Good Tan", or something to that effect. How can you not like a song when its version of a white xmas is white sand beaches? Especially when its fripping freezing cold here!!!!!!
Ironically, I also got an email from Disney Cruise Line yesterday with a holiday freebie- a download of a porthole window with various views of the ocean off a ship and of Castaway Cay. It's neither fair, nor right- I am stuck freezing my ass off trying to figure out what to get people, having to constantly tell thsoe same people no, there is "nothing I really want" (or, in the case of the m-i-l, "nothing I trust you to buy even if there was"), so just give me an Amazon gift certificate

In other good news, the m-i-l managed to ruin and/or lose every piture she forced us to take at Thanksgiving. None of her digital pics turned out (not sure how she managed not to notice that as she was taking them), and then Meijer's lost her 35mm photos. Negatives and any prints that had been developed. It's times like this, I'm gleefully certain that there is either a god or karma, probably both.

Thankful

And the entries just keep spewing... But seriously, I've been meaning to post this for a bit, and I think it's sufficiently past Thanksgiving to be thankful again:-)

9 Things I'm Thankful For
(What do I look like, Letterman?)
1) My family- This is not to say that I wouldn't happy book a cruise trip without them, but overall I think I'll keep them.
2) My kids- Part of #1, but still worth mentioning. They drive me crazy, but they also remind me of so many things, and teach me a bit of patience in the bargain.
3) Being able to stay home with my kids- Close to a financial nightmare, but truly truly worth it.
4) Tom- For everything from hanging the Xmas lights to knowing when to get Will out of my hair.
5) NaNoWriMo- How writing a novel in a month or less can help my sanity, I'll never know, but it does. The craziness makes me do it, and the sense of accomplishment is amazing.
6) Writing in General- There is something empowering about creating people and worlds, and making them all dance on my strings. (Muahhahahaha) Whether it's literature or a story about mutant pineapples (that I still need to write), it's just fun playing with words.
7) Sleep- I don't usually get enough of it, but it's fun.
8) Coffee!- What more really needs said? It's heaven in a cup, a profound spiritual experience, and just plain yummy.
9) Nick- Yes, still a category in and of himself. Whether we're sitting at a table together or many states away, he's a constant in my life and I know I can always count on him when I need him.

Granted, 6 is kinda hard to work in with any of the others, but overall, there we go.

Crap, I do have a number 10. Oh well, Letterman doesn't have the monopoly on it...
10) I am thankful to be able to (sometimes force myself to) find the good aspects of bad things. It keeps me sane, as much as any of the others- well, moreso than a few of them...

Have something to add? What are you thankful for? Post away.

Ugh

No, I'm not reverting to my ancestral cavewoman state, I just can't think of a title that better sums up my thoughts. I posted the last couple entries to clear my head somewhat before tackling this one, and after weeding out the heavenly nectar in my cup and the golden bliss of childhood, all that's left is "ugh". It's not that I'm depressed or upset- well, I am bummed out right now, but- oh hell, let me just write the damn entry. Read and be enlightened.

Mom just found out today that she has Type II diabetes, among a host of other problems likely caused by it (high blood pressure, etc.). It wasn't honestly a big surprise for me- they've been asking her the past several times she went to the dr.- but I am sad about it, and worried on so many levels.
First and foremost, I'm worried about Mom. I don't know how well she's going to manage it. She needs to lose weight- she knows and wants to. The problem is that her asthma is so out of control that she feels she can barely get around the house. I know when I'm around her or talking to her on the phone, she does get winded way to easily. Excercise is not really an option until the asthma gets under control- she would literally probably wind up in the ER if she tried to walk around the block. That leaves diet, and hers leaves a lot to be desired. She feels like she "can't afford to eat healthy", but then she buys nutritionally vacant crap that's just as expensive. I'm not sure how to get through to her about it. Either way, she's convinced that diet alone won't help her lose any weight. I know a lot of her attitude is the depression- it's at its worst this time of year, and with her current job and financial situation, she's miserable. The base isn't seeing anyone but active duty and spouses in the mental health clinic now, so until she finds a job, she doesn't even feel like she can afford to go for treatment. It's all one extremely vicious spiral- the asthma makes it harder to treat the diabetes, the physical symptoms from both aggravate the depression, the depression makes her not care much about treating the physical even as they drive her nuts, and the financial is just lurking on her mind like a giant squid at the dinner table.
The good news in the whole mess is that she is trying. They've started her on a new treatment program for the asthma, adding in a steriod that she should feel effects from in a couple weeks. She's signed up for a class at the beginning of January on how to manage the diabetes. And she actually went to the last Dr.'s appointment, which is an improvement (she has a tendency to blow them off at the last minute). She was online yesterday researching diabetes, so although shell shocked by the changes she's going to have to make, she is being proactive about it. If we could figure out a solution to the finances, she'd be in relatively good shape. (If anyone reading this knows of any decent paying jobs in the greater Dayton area with minimal physical requirements, feel free to post a comment- so far nothing's panning out from our searches.) I think for now I'm going to focus on getting her to eat better- it'll help her health all around, and despite her doubts, she will lose some weight. Hopefully that will be enough of a catalys, helping the asthma ease up and the diabetes come under control, and improving her self esteem enough that she can try excercising. I'd love to get her on the Mannatech glyconutrients, because they've been shown to help with everything that's afflicting her (our family Dr. has seen enourmous sucesses in his patients with glyco's, and is going to hand out Tom's business cards to any interested patients- we just found out for sure at Emmy's check up wednesday), but they're fairly expensive, especially since she's not working, plus she'd probably "forget" to take them. If I could, I'd buy the damn stuff for her and guilt her into remembering, but I can't so there's no use dwelling on it. One step at a time.
I think part of the frustration now for me is the enormity of the consequences. For Mom, if she doesn't control this stuff she won't be around long, or else she'll be blind and missing limbs, which for her would probably be pretty damn close to dying anyway. For me, I know I've got a much higher risk of developing diabetes- not that it wasn't already there in my genetics, but now it's known. I don't remember a strong history of diabetes in Mom's family, which is good I suppose, but it really points out that she might (read probably) wouldn't have developed the disease if she'd lost and kept off the weight sooner. Wake up call for me. I've known I need to lose the rest on my weight, so no more procrastinating. I can safely lose a couple pounds a week nursing, and then in a few months once Em's on solids I can kick it up a bit. But I need to start now. Most of the fat kids I see have at least one fat parent, so losing weight will be good for me and my kids. And there's the other worry- what Mom's diabetes means for them. Not just the potential loss of their grandma sooner than they might have otherwise, but their increased risk of developing the disease. I've read a scary number of articles on the increase of type 2 "Adult Onset" diabetes in kids- kids only 10 years or so older than mine. Will's a slender little guy now, and so energetic people get tired just watching him, but I didn't gain weight until I was in third or fourth grade. I know I need to keep building a good foundation for them now, so that when they hit the more dangerous years, my kids will come through OK.

So that's "ugh". I'd say it sums it up well. The only addendum would be "one step at a time".

Childhood- I Don't Wanna Grow Up

So many people remember childhood as a perfectly carefree time of life. So far, I've re-experienced about the first 3 years of it, and I'd have to disagree. Granted when we're kids we don't have to worry about paying the bills, having a job, balancing family and personal lives, or a myriad of other things, but kids really do have a lot of stuff to handle. It may be different, and looking back from where we are now as adults, it may seem easier, but from a child's perspective, it is just as hard. And even though parents are there the whole way to protect and offer comfort, kids are still alone in a sense. They have to be independent as they figure things out for themselves, as they figure out the right questions to ask. Just like adults.

For Will, mastering potty-training (and doing awesome now), learning how to handle his little sister and the corresponding loss of some parental attention, and getting a grasp on how the entire world works is his job- and the kid makes it look easy most of the time. There are other times when he gets frustrated to the point he looks ready to cry, struggling to make sense of something that he doesn't have the experience or vocabulary to explain yet. For Emily, watching her trying to make sense of this crazy place she's found herself, just in the most basic sense of food and elemental needs.

And they both handle it amazingly well. I'm not always sure I could handle the craziness as well as they do. Once you develop these skills during childhood, and once the newness of life fades somewhat, it's a little scary to think about being subjected to it all again- to be bombarded with questions you don't know the answer to yet, to be surrounded by change. We forget that as we get older, and maybe that's why childhood seems like an elysian time. It's not that we suddenly have pressures falling on us as we enter adulthood- it's that we become complacent, forgetting how to manage it all.

Coffee- The Vintage of Choice

It's truly sad how many of my thoughts revolve around coffee. As I write this, I'm sitting here drinking my ever-present cup, currently Starbucks Christmas Blend (yum!), and have just finished exploring the website for a new coffee company. (In all fairness, I found the company through an AOL feature on entrepanuers, but Intelligentsia is the only one I was interested in.) I was perusing the various coffees they have, and I was struck by just how many different flavors can be found in a single drink. Obviously, yes there are many different varieties of coffee beans, and different regions, handling, roasting, etc. make for even more types of finished coffee. But what so many people- especially non coffee drinkers, like my husband (I'm still shuddering that he said my Starbucks Kenya smelled like "regular coffee- like Folgers" Blasphemer!) don't realize is that coffee is like wine, with all the nuances and tempermental flavors just waiting to be brought out. Just in a single variety I read today, the flavors included chocolate, caramel, nougat, and crisp honeyed apple. It's no wonder I'm usually perfectly happy to avoid candy and desserts- it's all in the coffee!