Jumped
I took a leap and withdrew from all but one class this quarter, and all classes next quarter.
It seems and is a bit drastic, but I really feel that its the best solution to the underlying problem.
Specifically I don’t fit in here, and well I’ve been trying to make it work and I feel that I just cant make it happen. But I generalize and evade the issue, so let me get specific…
I moved into Ohio at the cheerful age of twelve, and it took a big nosedive from there.
I spent much of my fifth grade year, expounding on the mantra “I hate Ohio” It was cheerful stuff! Although I did try to do some good and started a newspaper that published one issue.
After that half year of fifth grade at IDA Weller Elementary, I changed schools to The Miami Valley School, an independent private school. I got my high school degree from there. My graduating class was 43 people or so, and it was a real tight knit community, but I had withdrawn from it a bit, and really retreated into several close relationships with friends.
I wasn’t the best academically, I just couldn’t stay clicked into my studies, and well being in the closet creates untold amounts of stress. But I got descent grades in a rigorous academic program. I applied to Emerson College, Purchase College, Barry University, and NYU.
I got into Purchase and Barry, both colleges that I hadn’t visited, so I just had to make a decision based on printed information.
I chose Purchase College, in the liberal arts school, even though I applied to a conservatory, so I was already playing second fiddle to my dreams and what I wanted to do.
Well, to keep this short, Purchase is a underfunded state school, they’ve got good faculty, but given the cost and what I wanted to be doing they weren’t the same. So I left after one semester, and enrolled at my current university, Wright State University. I told myself at the time that I would be only until i figured out what I wanted to do then I’d transfer. Apparently, I have a short memory.
So, fast forward three years or so. I’m still enrolled at WSU. I was not happy with my first major, so I changed to Theatre Studies, which for many students is reject land from a BFA program. I tried not to think of it this way, but there is only so much you can do. I got involved in Lambda Union, and really started doing things with them. Sometime during the last year or so I made the determination that I wouldn’t stay at WSU for the theatre department, nor the marketing department (I’m a marketing minor), or the philosophy department (minor again). Although the philosophy department is almost enough to keep me here. What was keeping me here was Lambda Union, and I was doing that because I felt a need to improve the organization and the WSU community, essentially I was being altruistic and putting my needs behind those of the the organization.
Now fast forward again to the past two weeks, I just got ran out of Lambda Union, and well I’ven’t seen the point of any of this, because I wasn’t doing what I was doing for me, but for others, and my motivation to do that was gone, with it went any motivation to get to class etc, etc..
Because as I see it right now there is no point to go to WSU anymore, its not what I want to do, and I’m not gonna get out of it what I want to get out of it.
In other words, my attempts to make lemonade have failed miserably, despite a few good batches, I can’t get a consistent flow of lemonade.
So what do I do from here?
Well I’m gonna take off until Fall 2004 to get my financial situation back in order, and hopefully get into a college that better fits me and get my degree. So I’m gonna start working full time, and probably pick up a second job.
It feels good, although I’m gonna miss this place and the people, but this is for me. period. And that feels good.