Distant Letter

I’m in a strangely pensive mood. I’m distant from everything really. I’m physically distant from my family in friends in Dayton. I’m distancing myself slowly from my coworkers at Chiquita. Eric and I instead of transitioning from friends, to boyfriends as announced, we’ve transitioned from friends, into declared but not really boyfriends, to coworkers. I feel disconnected from Cincinnati, not having been here long enough to really feel connected.

To top it off I’m not sure where I’m going at the moment. I have no long term plan, no spots I want to be at in five years.

I’ve been thinking about January 2003, the last time there was a five year plan and I decided that the five year plan wouldn’t work. I just read Relationship Thoughts… in Shawn’s blog.

I’m ready to respond to it now. (Probably again, since I’m sure I did respond to it in 2003.)

Shawn,
I agree with you. Building a real relationship that will last cannot happen over hours, days, or weeks. There can be the illusion of a real compatible relationship when a commitment is made to someone without knowing them.

Now my question. How can you temper the commitment without the other person thinking they’re being blown off? I dated someone once and I asked him at one point “How are we doing?” He told me that we hadn’t spent much time together, whereas I felt the exact opposite. How do you balance wanting to take it slow without pushing the other person away?

Nick