Chasing Amy

Chasing Amy Probably the best movie I know.

I just rewatched the scene where the title from the movie comes from. Except it doesn’t fit me, and I want to graft it onto someone else. I want them full heartily to believe what Silent Bob says.

But just yesterday I pushed him out, I told him that I wouldn’t be contacting him anymore. I gave the few printed pictures I had of him to a friend to hold, because I didn’t want to see it. I took the link to his blog off my eJournal page.

I talked with Sean last night. and one thing I know that part of my personality requires, demands and needs to have someone who i place at the top above myself, and that he places me at the top above himself. This is so fundamentally a part of myself, that i honestly do not feel whole unless that person is there.

When I’m single I’m half a being, never fully complete. The greeks make the most sense. They believed that people were beings with four hands, four feet, two faces and two of everything, essentially two humans fused into one being, but they pissed off the gods, and were separated, and condemned to search for their other half.

What i think is most painful is not not finding your other half but finding who you think your other half is, and then losing them, because of your stupidity or a misstep.

But I found myself bound by a promise. One I made to someone I’ve never met that I never will met that I intend to keep. That is to put the interests of the person who I think is my other half above those of my own.

To that person, I will leave you alone because I cannot make that transition towards being friends, but I will be here, willing and wanting to give you all the time in the world until you feel comfortable and I promise not to chase you away, only if you will let me back in, because I don’t want to spend every day Chasing Amy.