Suicide Meditations

Why am I embarrassed that I attempted to kill myself?

In someways I think its a weakness. There is a limit upon after it is crossed life is no longer desirable.

Suicide per the textbook is the realization that one’s coping skills are insufficient to deal with one’s life.

I know I reached that point where I found where my limit was.

Ironically I responded not by going back to what I had done and doing it again, but by deliberately and methodically slashing, burning, and killing parts of myself that I found counterproductive, or unfulfilling. I responded to my complete suicide attempt by doing a targeted precision guided suicide mission.

i am determined to burn those bridges to my past and work on living again and rebuilding things in a manner that I hope I won’t ever have such a great disjunct between my pain and my coping skills.

I did kill my old self so that an important core of me could live, so that I could go on.

I’m trying to be careful so I don’t ever feel a need to do that again.