Qualogical love

Is love only really love when its illogical? Stated differently is love when there is no logical benefit for yourself?

I got on this thread when I was thinking about my past relationships. I’ve been thinking about S, T, G, J, and D. (The alphabet soup lets me leave names out, bear with me.)

I got started on this thinking about when I went on a date with G, who is HIV positive. I know we talked on the phone a few times, and I saw him at work. I was the one to say that, “I like you as a friend but not romantically.” He then basically accused me of not wanting to date him because he was HIV positive, despite the fact that I told him that his HIV status played no role in my deliberations.

This wasn’t just a quick spur of the moment decision. I spent a good few days thinking about it and making sure that his HIV status wasn’t a factor.

But I digress. My point is with G it was a logical process. I’m quite sure I could’ve flow charted my decision process. It was that logical.

But with S, and to some extent with T, it was just a feeling, something that swept me up. I quite remember with S and a bit with T attempting to explain my way to why I felt the way I felt or was doing what I was doing, but I just gave up finding no logical grounds for where I stand.

I think love logically can only be expressed as a tautology. I love ____ because he’s _____. This works fine with family. (i.e. I love my mom because she’s my mom.) It works well with socially recognized institutions. (i.e. Parenthood, Marriage.) But does a shitty job with boyfriends and relationships that don’t fall in this category.

For instance, there is no reason to explain why I love Jenni; you just have to know us and our history, and even then its not quite logical. Whereas I can explain why I love my mom in eight words, most people would expect significantly more words to explain why I love Jenni or S. I feel perfectly justified in saying that “I love Jenni, because she’s Jenni.” Its not conditional, its not logical.

I believe love, when its true, only starts, but never stops.

I love S because he is S. It would be a lot easier if I could attach conditions to this, like I enjoy spending time with S ergo I love him. Because then I could apply logic to it. (i.e. I’m not spending anytime with S therefore I can’t love him. See if that were true, I couldn’t say I love S, but I do love S. (This love stuff is like Quantum Physics, forget about common sense.)

Okay two more letters, errr people to cover. No. I’m not going to cover J and D. Both of those are triumphs of biology over logic or love.