Path to Enlightened Insanity

I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a long while, at the moment just about four and a half years…

I’ve struggled with thinking about who my audience is and why and who I write for. The general concept of why I write is that I write for me, and me alone.

The Path to Enlightened Insanity via Defacted Musings is a narcissistic therapeutic venture that has taken me all sorts of places, from the annals of the US Government Federal Budget to the inner workings of my sarcastic colon (yes, I know from anals to colons isn’t that far, but there is a huge cottage industry within the pharmaceutical business dedicated to relaxing the passage between the two.)

I hit into an interesting predicament within the past year when I realized (or perhaps I introduced, I don’t remember) my parents were/had read this.

The funny thing is I don’t quite mind perfect strangers from knowing whats going on in my head, but at times I do struggle with letting those I know into my thoughts, especially when I don’t have the luxury of working toward shared meaning in conversation. People think they fully understand the situation, but I’ve come upon several times when talking in person with those who read this I come to realize that there is a communications gap here.

So what I’m wandering toward is that I’m going to start up another blog, probably on one of the public blogging sites that everyone and their mother uses. I’m not going to associate that blog with this one at the moment, but there is the possibility that I’ll somehow integrate the two at a later date, but just not right now.

I just got around to doing some heavy unpacking. Mostly books and things like that.

I stopped a moment to look through my senior year upper school yearbook, and to take a peek in at my Upper School Diploma.

It was kinda interesting to look through all of those old pictures of everyone, and also a bit odd ….

I finally will sleep on my bed for the first time in fifteen nights. My bed is composed of my EQ3 B2C frame and my Ikea Sultan Högbo matress. This is also the first bed that I completely chose for myself, before that I was utilizing hand me down beds from others in the family, or dorm room beds.

But fifteen nights without my bed? You might be thinking why I’ve not slept on it for fifteen nights… Well, part of that is that I moved, and part of that is that I also spent a week sleeping at my dad’s apartment in Dayton, while I hung around the area to graduate…

Now the next thing that needs taken care of is finding someone who wants to utilize the bed with me….

So I spent a good chunk of today wiping and reinstalling Windows XP on my dad’s computer.

I’ve got a few observations:

1. Why the fuck does Microsoft offer to download outdated software?! I started running Windows/Microsoft Update to get his computer all of the bug fixes and security updates, and in the process I downloaded Windows Media Player 10, and Windows Media Player 11. Plus I had to download a cackle of security updates, then SP2, then a cackle of more security updates. Why not just roll SP2 and the security updates together? Apple does this all the time in their updates for OS X, and it makes things a bit saner.
2. What the fuck is Microsoft’s deal with popup bubbles? I’m half willing to think that it makes someone in Redmond horny, because I don’t see any other reason for the damn things. They keep popping up and annoying me info. Please, stay out of my way
3. And most of all, why the green hill as the default desktop image? Did someone enjoy watching The Sound of Music a little too much?

Okay, thats a enough, any more and this’ll turn into even more of an anti-microsoft rant that it already is.

So I went to see the Friday night midnight showing of Spiderman 3 with friends. It was generally a good movie with perhaps a bit of a bludgeoning of an ending, it should’ve ended about 5 minutes sooner, then it would’ve been excellent..

But, thats not really why I’m writing this entry. I watched the movie at the AMC theater at Newport on the Levy, in the Cincinnati Ohio area. Cincinnati for those unfamiliar with the statistic, happens to be one of the most racially divided cities in the country. (Its not the most, but as I remember its in the top 10.)

So, I’m sitting there watching Spiderman 3 and the lameo bludgeoning ending starts, and low and behold a bunch of people start walking out; Not quietly walking out, they walk out while talking and kinda booing the movie. To summarize it they’re being rude stupid fucking idiots. Sure, this is at two thirty in the morning, but basic movie theatre etiquette should still be followed.

So on the car ride home one of my companions happens to say something along the lines of “Those guys were trying to turn me into a racist.”

Yeah, the rude stupid fucking idiots were young African-American males.

Here’s the thing. Stereotypes, as horrible and annoying as they can be, happen to be rooted in the truth. Whats the best way to get rid of a stereotype? Change the truth. I really think Martin Luther King understood this, the protests he led and organized were some of the most peaceful and loving ones this country has ever seen.

Where do I get off giving advice like this? Oh wait, you missed that I’m a gay man, and as a group we have been stereotyped as being promiscuous, non-commital, flaky, disingenuous, trouble-causing, and irresponsible.

I’ll admit every so often I’ve met a few of those descriptions, but no more or less so than any other guy my age. (I had a roommate in college, who when he lived in his own apartment used to leave the front door unlocked to facilitate young ladies coming over for an evening booty call. He was honestly one of the nicest and most considerate guys I ever had the privilege of sharing a room with, but boy was he horny and willing to get it wherever he could.)

I am who I am. I’m not promiscuous. (In fact I went all of 2004 and 2005 without having sex, and I only had two partners in 2006. As of today, I’ven’t had sex in 2007.) I really really really want a commitment. I do my damnedest to be genuine and honest. I only cause trouble when its needed. I’m responsible enough that my workplaces have had no trouble with entrusting me with lots of discretionary authority.

The bottom line is work at diminishing the stereotype of gay men everyday. Its not something I expect to disappear overnight, but by exhibiting my true and differentiated behavior, I do my little part to demonstrate that the stereotype is false.

Getting back to the issue at hand. The young rude stupid fucking idiotic African American men, reinforced the stereotype that African American men are rude and stupid.

Thats a shame. Just as the play Spinning Into Butter exhorts Caucasians to own up to their own racism, African Americans must own up to the behavior that perpetuates stereotypes.

So Jenni and I spent a good chunk of time together when we somehow wandered across the subject of HTML, and HTML lists. Low and behold she remembered an off the wall comment I made to her blog three and a half years ago.. Reproduced for your viewing pleasure here in full PEIDM monochrome:

In other randomness, I’m going to teach you to use HTML lists, because hard coded ones give me a hemorrhoid. (Seriously, I asked my doctor why I got hemorrhoids, and she said “hard coded lists on webpages.”)

That was three and a half years ago… I had no clue I wrote that… Although, given the state of things too many people are still using hard coded lists in HTML, but not as many as in the past…

I graduate from college later today. That is as soon as I finish writing this paper… Some things never quite change, specifically that I struggle writing papers on topics I’m not really interested in, but low and behold I can write far too much about the national debt… A bunch has changed since I graduated Upper School 2891 days ago, but not apparently not everything has changed.

Eh, at least I didn’t wait to start reading the books it until the day it was due. So something has gotten changed……

I work with an awesome bunch of partners at Starbucks.

Yesterday morning, while I was running the shift at my store, one of my fellow partners collapsed onto the floor. Besides instigating a loud utterance from me of an expletive right in front of customers, this changed my plans for the morning just a little bit.

To the best of my knowledge, the partner who collapsed is fine; she received medical care at a local hospital.

Some of the amazing people and their actions which got me through the morning:

• The customer who came to the collapsed partner’s aid and graciously became part of our team for a short while. She even more graciously tried to insist to still pay for her drink, even after all of the help she provided. May she never have to receive a free cappuccino for the same reasons again.
• The other two partners on my shift. These rock solid, unflappable ladies kept their wits about them and stayed calm. Their grace and composure was key in allowing me to do what I needed to do to manage the situation.
• My store manager. For being my support from afar, who flew in to help nearin. Her laser sharp focus smoothed a bumpy path, and provided me the reassurance that I handled things well.
• One of the unflappable ladies who provided transportation to the ill partner, handled an ever changing in car situation with expertise, and didn’t complain too much about cleaning up puke.
• The other unflappable lady who understood that celebrating the small victories of the day was an important part of getting through it.
• The SSC Partner (headquarters partner), who was in line for her coffee and ended up going store to store to find an additional person to help out with making drinks.
• The Partner from across the plaza, who blazed in rearing and ready to go at a key moment, and didn’t complain when I forgot to ask what his name was until five minutes after he had already been making lattes.
• Another partner, the fruits of the SSC partner hunter, who flew in to help and graciously worked an amazingly short shift to get us through the hump. May I one day discover your home store.
• Many others whose amazing actions included doing the ordinary in extraordinary circumstances.

My general lessons from that morning include:

• Paramedics aren’t always right.
• Sometimes all you can do is grab the reins, hold on and plan for the next five minutes, because you don’t know what will come in the next twenty minutes.
• People who wear green aprons are amazing; those who wear black aprons are amazing too, but they’re just green apron wearers who are also coffee geeks.
• When in doubt the F-word should not be used in front of customers, however if I just said the F-word in front of customers something really bad has probably happened.
• Coffee is amazing, but people are more amazing.

I went looking for a pair of pants that I could mop the floor in.. (I’ve had the unfortunate habit of cleaning in some of my better clothes and subsequently ruining them with bleach marks. What can I say? I’m not a very clean cleaner.)

In doing this I was rummaging through my closet and noted an older pair of cargo pants that I hadn’t worn in quite some time because well, they didn’t fit anymore. Very nicely I put them on and they were a perfect fit. They’ll need a little work because the front button is missing, no doubt from a time I squeezed into them, and they didn’t take kindly to the assault.

On the other hand I’ve got pants that don’t fit right now because they’re too damn big, and my belt needs yet another hole added to it.

Where as all this weight been going? I have to give Barron some credit.. The messy kitchen has encouraged me to avoid it, and thus avoid food… See Cindy, I can attribute positives to her…

I’ve been with these cats for too long. You know they sleep during the day and are all nice and cute, then they turn into vicious mammal eating creatures during the night with all sorts of energy.. Hey that sounds like a movie!

But seriously, I spend all day doing very little and come 9 pm or so I turned into this productive eager beaver. I got my financial records up to date, I cleaned my car and my room, and the back deck (hunting present), and I packed up three boxes, and put a bunch of work into my class, and I overused the word and.

So its been a productive night, and its time to go to sleep.

Its been a kind of strange week. (not an actual week though, for those of you who remember taking your SATs: (this definition of week):week::Walt Disney World’s definition of a year:year) I told my roommates on April 3rd that I’m moving out on/by May 3.

Its been interesting noticing them both making plans and arrangements to move out by the end of May.

Its empowering to make change. Not that I’m really forcing them to change, but I’ve made the decision to make change for myself and that has ripples.

I just took a look at the calendar, and a look at what I need to get done and it scares the shit out of me. I’m going to need to be very on top of getting things done when they need to be done. That hasn’t been my strong point over the past several months, but the Venlafaxine hydrochloride has been helping me with that.

It feels good to be in control of what I want to do, and being able to do it. As much as I don’t quite feel in control or happy with work at times, (I’m working on fixing that.) I do more of an overall sense of control with my life.