Path to Enlightened Insanity

I feel like I’m surrounded by religious idiots.

The Bible belt has gotten fatter and extended its grasp into Ohio. The number of bumper stickers, radio programs, television shows, legislative actions, crazy Alabama judges, books, and billboards has reached a level of saturation which I am beginning to find intolerable.

It wouldn’t be as bad if the people saturating the space were not hypocrites.

(Before I proceed any further a caveat. Terms such as “Christian.” “Christianity,” “religions believers,” etc. are inherently vague. Given my desire for clarity and brevity (not to mention the time of day I’m writing this) I will forego any semantical heavy lifting. I believe my meanings will become clear.)

Jesus stated “love your neighbor” All I see is a lot of self centered, borderline violent behavior. How can people professing to follow this ideal but who then are rude, engage in homophobia and bigotry, and other just plain inconsiderate acts?

Perhaps this is because of the sin concept. Which in my estimation works more along the lines that you screwed up then apologize for it. Doesn’t it make more sense to try not to sin in the first place?

Given that religion is faulty in this regard because it is reactive and not proactive. I’m really not surprised that we’ve had an ethical and moral dilemma building in this country.

But given the aforementioned flaws of religion should we solely push religion as the panacea?

I agree with The Dali Lama in this regard. He states in Ethics for the New Millennium that “…I have come to the conclusion that whether or not a person is a religious believer does not matter much. Far more important is that they be a good human being.” (p. 19)

Given all this people should ultimately focus on being a good human being, god (if he exists) will not care if you practice a religion and are not a good human being.

If we all make a point of being good humans and respect each other, we will be more likely to be able to live in harmony. And who doesn’t want that?

Starbucks is a special place for me.

It is one of the places that I go to be renewed, coddled and inspired. It is for all intents and purposes my place of worship. Going to and relaxing at Starbucks serves the same purpose for me as many people seek at their local houses of worship.

I don’t believe I’m alone, the number of regulars that I see at my local Starbucks astounds me. We all communally go about our individual tasks and projects, but we all revel in the combined energy and tranquility that permeates the roasted bean aroma filled air. We relax, recline and take time to stop, to disconnect ourselves from the massive machine that is capitalism.

In this stopping we take time to savor life, if it be a book, a philosophical conversation, or just the flavors of our handcrafted, wallet draining, twenty ounce beverages.

In this savoring, this pausing we happily realize and enjoy the theological underpinnings of the goddess graced coffee place.

I just read Jonathan Franzen’s essay “Imperial Bedroom” in his book How to be Alone. He works through the erosion of the Private into the public space. His underlying argument is that we should not be as worried about privacy as we should be about the preservation of public space. He laments the lack of laws and the disintegration of social mores protecting the public from the private. My friend, Dr. Bill Irvine also expresses this complaint in his book Doing Right by Children.

I am guilty of participating in and advocating for the movement of the “Private” into the public. I’ve written about just about everything in this eJournal. Even with my proclivity towards a completely public rendering of anything and everything in my life, I still find things to write about in my private eJournal.

But, what is in the private eJournal mostly is there because I want to prevent someone who I know from reading it. I would be perfectly happy letting any stranger read most of them.

There are a few entries though that I know I will only let my most trusted friends read, even then I would never discuss it with them though.

But is this a public space? Its not like people frequent and hang around on my eJournal. People specifically have to request this eJournal with their computer. Its more like a book in a library than a cell phone conversation on the sidewalk with others listening in. But this is still private information, in the public sphere. I’m inviting anyone to violate their public space by sprinkling my private life into their public space.

THE condementization of my life into other people’s is a curious position to be in. I’m like a spice or topping that gets thrown onto their experiences to highlight this or that emotional flavor.

But you cannot reconstruct the full flavors of my thoughts and emotions from the miniscule condiment spattering here. They seem real and vivid and touching only because they enhance the flavor of the reader’s emotions and experiences.

But lots of writing and art only become truly alive and vibrant when applied against the reality of our own experiences. If we restrict our art to the public sphere and exclude anything that should be private, the ability for the stories we tell both to each other verbally and to the public at large to touch and genuinely flavor our own experiences is greatly and unfortunately diminished.

Herein lies the danger of completely restricting everything private from the public field. By preventing the full and complete mutual exchange of all human experiences we endanger our collective ability to fully explore ourselves and reach towards self-actualization.

Okay, I just typed the entry “Amish Paradise.” I realized I didn’t finish my thoughts on some things. (Thats what I get for writing it with a friend over my shoulder, KEVIN!)

Its about Christy. I feel in some ways like my community I’ve managed to assemble at work has been ripped apart. I understand and respect her decision to leave, but I am really pining right now to find a community where I fit in. WSU isn’t it, I know that. CSD has been my good stop gap of a community for the time being, and Christy has been the person who makes that community for me.

Perhaps its just because she’s the one who’s closest in age to me. A majority of my coworkers are middle aged women. While I have a great track record of getting along with middle aged women, I really want to be around people of my age.. (Don’t ask, for some reason me and middle aged women get along, I’ve never figured it out.) Which really means I should be in grad school. Because the high schoolers who graduated a year after me are now seniors in college.

In some ways I feel like a failure, but I’ve often made a point of succeeding on my own merits and on my own terms. To me it doesn’t matter if someone else thinks I’ve succeeded, it matters if I think I’ve succeeded. (Whether this raises or lowers my “success” rate is unknown. I gander its a dynamic equilibrium. I have the same amount of successes, just different ones in my mind than in other minds.)

Hell, thats ironic, I’m going on about my need and like for community and then in one stroke, I say “fuck whatever anyone else thinks is success.” I think I need people around to be able to feel that I’m different. I take pride in being different, thinking for myself, being a gadfly, stirring up the pot every once in a while. Thats impossible to do without anyone else around.

Perhaps some of the reason I miss Christy is that I’m pining for a good conversationalist to have philosophical discussions. I’ve honestly considered dumping some of my high horses and going back to WSU to take a single philosophy class. I so desperately want to be able to have an intelligent thought provoking conversation with someone with all the stuff I’m reading, but I don’t want to have to put up with all the pedantic rote classes that someone says I need to take, although I’m not going to retain any substantial information, and if I need to know it I’ll be able to read up.

I know I need to get grounded in a University sooner than later, but I’m wanting to lay my foundation where its not going to be out of place with the others around it.

Were we ever meant to be alone?

One of my friends at work, we’ll call her Christy, had her last day yesterday. Since she’s a third shifter we third shifters threw her the obligatory going away party.

I already feel really lonely. On the way home from work I was listening to the BBC World Service on WYSO. I listened to an intriguing interview of the founder of Bookcrossing.com, essentially its Where’s George for books. He stated one of the reasons for starting the project was to develop a sense of community.

Have we all gotten so self absorbed and in our own world we need a book tracking site to develop a sense of community?

If it weren’t for my liberal slant I’d go live with the Amish

Yeah for British expressions.

I really wish right now I could sleep.. Thats what I would like the most.

I’m spiraling into one of those fucking depressive moods that I know better to be in. But, for better or worse I’m here..

I’m having singleitis right now.

I dunno, I think it started when I left work. I got thinking about a really good friend of mine at work who is leaving for perhaps greener pastures. I’m going to miss her. She makes me wish I was straight for all the right reasons. I want to date her. I want to romance her. She is one of just a handful of people I’ve had the pleasure of bumping into who I really feel content being in her presence.

Am I just perhaps grasping at straws? She’s the best I’ve got at the moment so she’ll do? I don’t think so. I’m not that dishonest in what I feel.

Then I talked online. Cute boys, some taken, some perhaps unavailable.. Just all in all not anyone single who perhaps I could date.

I did talk with someone who I went to coffee with once. He’s doing well. We’re on completely friendly terms, but hell.. I’d love for things to work out with us in some way. But, well I don’t think its going to happen.

I then visited Shawn’s Webpage. I still miss him. But I see flaws and things that I don’t like in him. Perhaps I’m finally losing my myopia? Lets hope. It doesn’t hurt as bad as it used to, but what’s the point differentiating between different degrees of hell? It still hurts.

Next up the personal ads. I noticed a lot the same people. Some I know, some I’ve seen their personals before. And one who I chatted with for a long while a year or two ago..

Hell. I don’t think I’ve got anything to lose. I’m gonna drop him an email see what becomes of it. Maybe this time we can actually get to a first date.

Oh one last thing, my cat dissed me.. that hurts.

I admit it. I’m hooked.

I’ve previously professed that Reality TV is crap. But when The Advocate came out with their cover issue highlighting “Boy Meets Boy” I knew I was going to watch. So far I’ve been reasonably pleased with the show.

Quickly, for the record I think the producer’s “trick” of including straight potential suitors is wholly appropriate and representative of actual life. I was actually quite a bit befuddled that a large number of people (including James, the bachelor (see the July 21st edition of Newsweek.)) had problems with this arrangement.

First, lets assume that these shows actually represent “reality.” (They don’t, they’re more a laboratory for the producers.) I hate to break it to everyone but the world does not have a greater proportion of gay men than straight men. James and everyone else should be happy they didn’t just round people up from anywhere irregardless of if they were gay or straight. Now that would be Reality TV. Instead James and everyone else who is bitching should feel grateful that the producers have put so many gay men together for James to date, and only scattered a few straight men in the mix.

Second, lets look at this thing. The point of it is not to get James a “mate”. That is James’s reason for participating, but the producers have explicitly said they’re wanting to explore the homo/hetroattraction lines, and to place straight men in the closet so we have the other view. In all honestly I think they really need to explore the gender line more, and not beat the “Who’s gay? Who is Straight?” line to death. That got annoying during the first half hour of the first episode. I spend all day looking at people trying to figure out that question, or I used to; it really doesn’t come into my mind anymore except when I’m looking for potential dates. Which leads me to…

Third, this show provides a good example for all the straight men out there. I have for the longest time had trouble dating because I fear that I’ll get the shit beat out of me if I ask a straight guy out. Here are straight guys who have pretended to be gay and nicely maneuvered the dating scene. There are no gay bashing, no profanities, but instead politeness.

But, honestly I think the road goes both ways. Gay guys need to stop saying “Oh, he just straight for now, wait till I get him.” For you gay men out there who believe this line is valid, will you go find yourself some pussy? Yes, right now get out the phone book, and get a female escort. Plan to have sex with her. Ludricrious for you? Yes, so its ludicrous to expect a straight man to just turn gay for you. If we gay men want respect we need to give that as well.

Okay, all in all this is a pretty descent show, yes it has its flaws, but for a first go around I’m quite pleased with it and like the issues its examining, and hell I need all the dating help I can get!

I’m such a whore for money.

I’m on my break from my first real day at my second job. I’m telemarketing for a local arts organization. I’m content that I’m not selling crap at least.

Okay time to get back to work.

I don’t know where to start. I picked up the book Savage Inequalities out of my library and decided to read it.

I’m pretty sure I had to buy it for my HST103 class and it was one of many books that never got read in my school years. (Its actually sort of ironic, I’ve become a semi-voracious reader, after I stopped going to college, go figure.)

The book is about the conditions of schools and the inequalities between schools in different areas. A recurring figure is the amount spent per pupil. This goaded me into figuring out how much money has been spent on my education. Its astonishing, from pre K Kindergarden to 12th grade there was over $100,000 spent on my education. Compare this to Mississippi where the same amount of money would’ve educated at least six students. Scary ain’t it?

I’m reminded of a comment one of my philosophy professors said about Islam. He stated that one of the failings of radical Islam is specifically ignoring half their population. (All females in some Islamic societies are essentially considered property and not allowed to contribute to society.) While we are not as guilty of ignoring such a large population of our society, we are guilty for not properly educating ALL of our children.

If you want to think of it in purely economic terms, children are a perishable good that must be invested in to have an economic return to society. There are two basic scenarios here. We take child A, who lives in a upper class New York City suburb where they spend $11,000 a year on A’s education. Because the community spends so much on A’s education they’re able to place A in a class of 18 students and provide A with a large list of extracurriculars to choose from. On the other end of the spectrum we take child B, who lives in a mediocre area of Brooklyn where they spend only $4,950 a year on B’s education. Because the community neglects B’s education B is in a class of 28 students that shares a room with another class of 27 students. The teacher is underpaid and specifically teaches toward the test. There are no extracurriculars to speak of whatsoever. (BTW: A’s and B’s parents were uncreative with names.)

This of course is a simple argument, B’s community does not care and therefore will let B’s education languish. This neglects the fact that the land owners in Brooklyn tax themselves (or are taxed by their tenants) at a higher percentage rate than the land owners in A’s suburb.

But I have assumed that it is logical and meaningful to define A’s and B’s communities by the location of their home. But the community that will be affected by the results of A’s and B’s education is much larger. While by the very nature of how lives are lived it is difficult to determine what the return to society A or B will make. The returns can be measured in multitudes of ways: children successfully raised, net value added to the GDP, taxes paid into the treasury, number of lives saved from a cancer treatment, amount of money spent incarcerating one or both after committing a crime, etc, etc. The point being that if one wished someone could provide scores that codified what a specific person contributed to society at large, and what they took from society at large. People usually take the most from society the younger they are and eventually start making returns. Children are society’s long term investment, the results of which will not be realized in the economy for upwards of 20 years. Plainly, individually children are a long term investment with a reasonable amount of risk, but a population taken as a whole the investment will pay off.

Given the ability to extrapolate A’s and B’s contribution to society as a whole it is ludicrous to tie their education to something as arbitrary as the location of their home. (This is not to say that this did not make historical sense when people were unlikely to leave the community in which they were born.)

As a result the method that is the most logical given the potential nationwide impact of A’s and B’s education is providing a majority of funding at the national level. In a way we already do this, just inequitably as Jonathan Kozol states in Savage Inequalities:

Because the property tax is counted as a tax deduction by the federal government, home-owners in a wealthy suburb get back a substantial portion of the money that they spend to fund their children’s schools –effectively, a federal subsidy for an unequal education. Home-owners in a poor districts get this subsidy as well, but , because their total tax is less, the subsidy is less. the mortgage interested that homeowners pay is also treated as a tax deduction — in effect, a second federal subsidy. these subsidies, as I have termed them, are considerably larger than most people understand. in 1984, for instance, property-tax deductions grated by the federal government were $9 billion. An additional $23 billion in mortgage-interest deductions were provided to home-owners: a total of some $32 billion. Federal grants to local schools, in contrast, totaled only $7 billion, and only part of this was earmarked for low-income districts. Federal policy, in this respect, increases the existing gulf between the richest and the poorest schools. (p. 55)

In addition funding education at a higher rate may in the long term reduce the need for federal and state expenditures, as a likely result of the lack of properly educating the whole population, is the need to incarcerate a significant portion of the population currently costs most governments approximately $20,000 per year, enough to educate two students at a reasonable quality level.

As a result we truly have dismissed one of our most fundamental responsibilities, ensuring freedom via a well educated populace. Thus by not educating and ensuring the productiveness of all children in this great nation, we are not only injuring those who are not educated well, but injuring ourselves.

Okay, I just got done with the campus tour part of my tour of CWRU.

I know these things always put the best foot forward, no matter what. Its like asking a dentist how a procedure is going to be, you’ll never get the answer: “You’ll be in excruciating pain for the next three weeks and you’ll always get food stuck.”

Okay all in all I’m impressed.

• This campus has character, there are old buildings, newer buildings, relaxing areas around the buildings, bike racks, etc.
• What seems like a real dedication to actual learning, its “both a liberal arts college and a major research institution.” (Yeah hows that for a marketing line?)
• There are actually residential communities, and most of the population is residential
• Taking classes outside of your major isn’t considered weird or abnormal, just something that people do.
• I talked with my tour guide, who is a lesbian, after the tour and she indicated that there is a pretty vibrant community, with little problems. In addition I know Cleveland supports enough of a gay community to have a pretty good sized bi-weekly newspaper. (as opposed to a gay-weekly newspaper.)

Can I just apply here and call it a day? I really want to get back into college, I just want to do it correctly no matter what, and I recognize that doing things correctly requires a proper amount of perspective and thoughtful planning, not jumping into it based on less than 24 hours of experience…

Geeze I don’t want to go back to Dayton, I really don’t. But at least I have a second job that I think I’ll actually like waiting for me when I get back. Yea!